Pandas Should Die

I’ve never really considered myself to be a “treehugger.” I’m one of the few people who say,“Hell, if the pandas want to neglect their children. They deserve to die.” However, as I’ve matured, I have gained a certain appreciation for nature. Maybe maturation is the wrong concept, considering that most of this “appreciation” stems from Captain Planet, and the “Spring Cleaning” Episode of Rocko’s Modern Life. However, there is just something fairly impressive about Nature’s perfect balance of order and chaos—at least until mankind decided to rape her and bleed her of resources. And it’s not until we, ourselves, come face-to-face with extinction that anyone decides to do anything about it. Needless to say, I am attempting to “go green.” I won’t pretend like my piddly yaffa block crate of recyclables, my energy smart light bulbs, or my alternate forms of transportation are going to make much of a difference. I’m not that naïve. I do know that I’m not the only trying to “make a difference” and, hell, if there’s some chance that it might work, there’s no harm in trying. So with that mentality, I recycle my liquor bottles, only buy one light bulb every nine years, and ride my bike to class (that last one is more to combat the drastic repercussions of chronic fat-assery than save the environment).

That said, if everyone hit maximum “greenness” would it really be enough to save the planet? I kind of doubt it. It might be a case of severe pessimism, or the higher level science professors that I’ve seen give this strange expression that is a fairly homogenous mixture of “I-have-no-idea-how-this-can-be-fixed” and “everyone-on-earth-is-fucked.” Now, if this was only one professor—I’d write it off as a fluke, or a symptom of his own ineptitude. But at least five of these guys, probably the smartest science professors I’ve encountered—from different states, countries and concentrations all have that same expression. My physics professor was seriously –like serious as a one-balled-man getting testicular cancer---discussing the physics of what a colony in space would have need sustain human life. Because and I quote, “Unless something changes, we wont be able to stay here much longer.” The nerd in me exclaimed, “Space colonies! The Colonies would revolt against the Earth, and the earthly born would be forced to unify against a single enemy---with giant robots!!” The realist in me was a bit shaken at what my children my have to deal with. The ADHD kid in me proceeded to contemplate the loose use of the term “Chiral” in the Nintendo Wii version of the game Trauma Center. What the hell do they mean by “Positive Chiral Reaction?” The body has many natural chiral molecules in it! Like, uh, amino acids for one. So…I’m awkwardly hacking open some emotional teen because she has amino acids in her system? Did I answer myself? No, just started drawing a picture of myself, speech bubble reading, “Pay attention!” Dead ass. Here it is.

"ADD:a disease with initials--that's the worst kind."